Karaoke World Tour

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This site can't be completely institutional. Our founder and King, Kyle Rokee, will now bless you with humorous tales in his search for Karaoke across the land.

Maybe someday he'll tell us who gave him his nickname.

It's a way of life

3-and-a-half minutes

Dang... Yakima has a secret

Don't mess with Texas

You ain't got no Alibi

Tragedy at The Grand

I'm a Lefty

The real Elvis had good etiquette

Chopsticks Among Portland's Best

Cali-oke at its finest

I'm the Wedding Singer

It’s a very cold February night in Oregon and I’m just leaving a banquet. This particular night was special. I’m wearing my favorite Italian suit. One of my favorite things to do after an event when I’m wearing a suit or a tux is to go find a smoky karaoke club to crash.

It’s an anti-crash, really. I’m ridiculously overdressed. I stick out like a sore thumb. Remember that, it matters later.

I made my way to the bar for a big glass—I mean a pitcher—of the Silver Bullet. I had just been handed a beer to my overdressed buddy Ponch when I heard a guy's voice behind me.

"Hey," he said. "Are you single?" I calmly had to remind myself that I was NOT in a gay bar.

"Maybe," I replied. "Who wants to know."

"Oh, not me dude. It's my friend Jordan's birthday and we were just noticing that there weren't any good looking guys in here... until you walked in." (I'm still not relieved at this point.)

"Is Jordan a girl?" It's not a stupid question, but he laughs and confirms that Jordan is a girl. Phew!

"Come over and meet her," he says, as I picture an enormous woman that shaves... her face. What the hell. I go.

"Oh by the way," he says, "My is John and... you and I went to high school together." He gives me the wink, and I get what's going on here. I'm up for the game. Here we go.

We sit down and make intro's and Happy Birthday's. Jordan says, "Did you guys really go to school together?"

"Yeah," I said, "but I went to five different high schools, so I honestly don't even remember which one it was... McKay?"

"North," John says with a nod. "D'you still sing?"

Do I ever...

"Jordan wants someone to sing for her birthday," he reports, "And with that suit on, you could be the wedding singer."

I keep my song list (it's over 100) in my Palm, so I whip it out of my suit... My Palm, that is. "Pick a song from my list," I say, handing it to her.

"It's huge," Jordan comments.

"Thanks for noticing," I reply. She picks Goo Goo Dolls' "Name," Ponch's favorite, too. I rock one out, crowd goes nuts.

They are pretty cool people, but I'm not hang out for too long, so I go propose to Ponch that we put up some Sweet Home Alabama... It's a red-neck karaoke favorite. It's issued to trailer parks like government cheese in Hooverville.

An hour later: "Ponch and Pistol, please make your way to the stage! Ponch and Pistol!"

Ponch grabs a mic: "People keep asking us what's up with these suits... Well, ladies and gentlemen, I'm proud to report that right here in Salem tonight was Oregon's first ever gay marriage... This is my husband Pistol!"

How can I top that? I can't... Really.

See you on tour,

Kyle Rokee