Karaoke World Tour

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This site can't be completely institutional. Our founder and King, Kyle Rokee, will now bless you with humorous tales in his search for Karaoke across the land.

Maybe someday he'll tell us who gave him his nickname.

It's a way of life

3-and-a-half minutes

Dang... Yakima has a secret

Don't mess with Texas

You ain't got no Alibi

Tragedy at The Grand

I'm a Lefty

The real Elvis had good etiquette

Chopsticks Among Portland's Best

Cali-oke at its finest

I'm the Wedding Singer

3-and-a-half minutes

The only thing I love more than karaoke is basketball. But the NBA doesn't offer hoop-oke, where I can play in a Chicago Bulls uniform with MJ and the best team that ever played the game at my back. There is no bar that sets up a basketball court after 9 p.m. when a referee comes in and introduces you to 30,000 fans, after which I would put on a display of my athletic prowess. There's just no place to do this. Can't find such a place.

I can, however, sing Gettin' Jiggy Wit' It with Will Smith's crew, The Way You Look Tonight with Eric Clapton's band, and I know that I have the best country musicians playing when I sing Who's Your Daddy.

So even though my mad hops allow me to dunk as if I'm not white, I have to come to grips with the fact that I'll never be on the all-star team. I'll never make a ridiculous amount of money for playing a game. I'll never be famously stupid for breaking the law (I hope). I'll never be fined by the NBA Commissioner.

But I will keep singing. And I will be famous for 3 -- maybe 3-and-a-half -- minutes at a time... At least famous to about 8 to 80 people in a sometimes smoke-filled dispensary of inebriating libations, if they remember anything the next day.

I will sing at the karaoke joint right down the hill from my house. I will sing at the one on the other end of town near the freeway. I will sing at k-bars on all of my road trips. I will seek out the hole-in-the wall yokee club across the country, and sing my heart out for all the strangers with accents.

And it rocked. And the wings were good. And the bartender was cool. And the KJ turned up the echo just like I like it. And I sang a song I'd never done before, and the crowd went wild. And for 3-and-a-half minutes I was famous in Orlando, Toronto, St. Louis and Las Vegas. I was famous in my home town, Salem, Oregon, for 3-and-a-half minutes. Then I will turn to my laptop and tell the world all these things.

You will read it, and then you will tear it up in your own town, or mine, or someone elses. If you decide to then tell the world about it -- the previously unknown club, the KJ, the waitress, the nachos, the song -- that's karaokeworldtour.com.

It's concert time. See you on tour.

Kyle Rokee